Malay - Marriage and Family

Marriage is expected of every adult person in the society. Up to four wives are permitted under Islamic law, but the overwhelming majority of unions are monogamous. Couples are married by registering with a religious official, usually the local imam. A woman needs the consent of a male guardian to marry. Many marriages are arranged, but the consent and knowledge of the parties is sought and required. Marriage takes place after a series of gifts and counter-gifts between the families, including both bride-price and dowry. The public ceremony of marriage often takes the form of a bersanding, a kind of copy of a royal Hindu-style wedding. Feasting accompanies this marriage ritual. Divorce is common, simple, and frequent in an individual's life. The high rate of divorce in Kelantan and other Malay states still defies full explanation, but the ease with which a man can sever a marriage by pronouncing a verbal intention to do so must contribute to the high rate of Malay divorce. The nuclear family in neolocal residence is the preferred and most common family form; other forms of compound or extended family are but phases in a domestic cycle culminating with the nuclear family in its own compound. One common feature of Malay family life is the frequency of adoption. Childless couples may ask relatives for the opportunity to bring up one of their children, and this request is rarely refused. Adoption is partly caused by the necessity of having children to participate in the kampung-wide activities of gift exchange and feasting, from which childless couples would be barred. Children are highly valued, permissively indulged when young, but taught the proper elements of deferential behavior and speech as they grow up. A well-socialized child exhibits budi bahasa, the language and character of the properly raised, while ill manners are scorned as kurang ajar, or lacking education.