Mountain Jews - Marriage and Family

Marriage. Until relatively recently the wedding was celebrated separately at the homes of the groom and the bride. For the betrothal before the wedding ceremony, the bride is brought clothing, ornaments, and a ritual pastry ( likakh ). Two days before the arrival of the groomsmen to fetch the bride, her friends would sing her songs of farewell from her family hearth. When the groomsmen arrived, the bride's friends would demand a bride-price before leading her out. The groomsmen would bear lighted candles, burning lamps, and even torches while accompanying her to the groom's house with music, songs, and dance. En route, from behind the finely dressed bride covered with a silk kerchief, they would throw candies and rice over her head—wishes for her good fortune and fruitfulness. Marriages between consanguines were possible, especially between cousins. As in the past, there are still some leviratic and sororatic marriages and the ritual of divorce known as khalitse. Today, the wedding is held jointly but is preceded by traditional customs such as courtship with a matchmaker, betrothal, collection of the bride-price (in the guise of gifts), and the negotiation of a marriage agreement ( ketubo ). The wedding itself is heavily attended, since not only all relatives but neighbors, friends from work, and ritual friends are invited. Every guest brings a gift—today usually an envelope with money, which is handed over to a special collector. The amount and the name of the donor are entered on a list so that in good times the debt can be repaid at the ceremonies of the donor family. The close relatives of the groom and bride provide material and practical assistance in the organization and consummation of the wedding.

Weddings are sumptuous, with tables of ethnic dishes and various drinks and appetizers. The wedding is celebrated with music, dance and songs, and innumerable toasts. The festivities are led by a designated toastmaster, the tamada. At the height of the wedding a dance is played especially for the bride. Surrounded by relatives and close friends, she dances with many of the guests, and the dancers give her money (placing it in her hand). Toward the end of the wedding sweets and tea are served.

Domestic Unit. The traditional family structure and way of life have remained relatively unchanged. Mountain Jewish families, as is usual in the Caucasus, have many children. It is not uncommon, even today, to find families consisting of two or three generations. It is the rule for older married sons to move out, whereas the youngest, as in the past, continues to live with the parents and becomes the head of the family, although formally the eldest male (the grandfather) continues to be regarded as the head. The grandmother ( babushka ) or mother runs the household economy. The fraternal householders who have detached themselves preserve close ties among themselves in all aspects of life.

The Mountain Jews maintain the custom of hospitality from generation to generation. In many houses there is a special room in which one can receive ritual friends ( kunaks ). (This custom also occurs among Tabasarans, Lezgins, Dargins, Kumyks, Avars, and others.) Guests are treated with exceptional attention and concern, and ritual friends respond in kind in their homes. Kunaks provide each other mutual assistance and support, participating in weddings, funerals, and so forth.

Socialization. The birth of the first boy is marked by hospitality and the distribution of gifts. On the seventh day after birth he is circumcized. Earlier, a rabbi performed the ritual; today, as a rule, it is done by a physician. Children, for the most part, are named after deceased relatives, which explains the preservation of traditional Jewish names such as Avroom, Mishi (Moses), Isak, Yagu, Manashir, Avadya, Lie, Saro, Livgo, Istir, and so forth, which are passed down within one kinship line from generation to generation.

In the past, most Mountain Jews were illiterate and religious. Before the opening of Russian-Jewish schools at the beginning of the twentieth century, children (mainly boys) received their primary religious education in Hebrew schools, paying the rabbi. Only the most talented among them were sent to the Jewish schools ( yeshebot ) in Russian cities and towns and to European Jewish theologians to complete their religious education and attain the title of rabbi. Only some children from wealthy Mountain Jewish families could enter the secular educational institutions of Russia.